The Beethoven Defense

So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting,

and with the sound of the trumpet.  As the ark of the LORD came into the city of David,

Michal, daughter of Saul looked out of the window, and saw King David leaping

and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.

(2 Samuel 6:15-16)

  

A sermon by Siegfried S. Johnson on the Sixth Sunday after Pentecost, July 16, 2006

First United Methodist Church, 605 West Sixth, Mountain Home, Arkansas 72653

  

It was a day of jubilation, this day soon after the young King David, now 37 years old and in the 7^th year of his reign, moves the nation’s capital from Hebron to Jerusalem.  After a decisive victory over the Philistines, David and his valiant men make victorious entrance into his new capital city, henceforth to be known as the City of David.   I want to call your attention to the sheer energy of that day, 3,000 years ago.  The joy of this celebration was off the charts when King David led his thirty thousand valiant ones into the city.  But of more importance to their celebration than the arrival of the 30,000, or even of the young King David, was the arrival of the Ark of the Covenant, the national symbol of Yahweh’s presence.  This was a momentous day of passionate fervor, the day when the Ark of the Covenant of Yahweh  made entrance through the gates of Jerusalem.  It was a “break loose” moment of elation and exhilaration.

 The words of Psalm 24 might appropriately have been on the people’s lips as they sang, addressing the very walls and gates of the city: “Lift up your heads, O ye gates, and be ye lifted up ye ancient doors, and the King of Glory shall come in.  Who is the King of Glory? (Not King David, no, but)  Yahweh, strong and mighty, Yahweh, mighty in battle.  Lift up your heads, O ye gates and even be lifted up ye ancient doors and the King of Glory shall come in.  Who is the King of Glory?  Yahweh of hosts, he is the King of Glory.” 

 Not everybody, though, joined the celebration.  Some refused, considering David’s raucous display of emotions beneath the dignity of David’s royal status.  There were certain ones, stalwart defenders of regal decorum, who considered David’s leaping and dancing (and too scantily clad, in their opinion, in his linen ephod) unsuitable behavior.  Such conduct grated on these defenders of decorum, leading to their complaint:  “Entirely inappropriate!  Disgusting!  Despicable!  His Majesty the king should not be so crude as to ignore regal  standards of comportment.  Our king should take care to act in a manner befitting his royalty.”

 Our text invites us into the angry heart of King David’s wife, Michal (her name is a feminized form of Michael, from which also derives the softer sounding name, via the French, of Michelle).  Let’s call her Michelle.  As I was saying, our text allows us to feel the disgust of this daughter of the former King Saul.  Michelle felt that the volume of this parade was obnoxiously high.  Shocked by the sad spectacle, I suspect she would have welcomed suggestions of ways to calm down David’s bubbling enthusiasm. 

 Which brings me to my title.  Reading of Michelle’s disgust, I recalled the unique solution to a similar problem undertaken by a group of California merchants a few years back.  Russell Baker wrote about it in the New York Times, dubbing it The Beethoven Defense.  The Beethoven Defense is the use of classical music as a teenager repellent!  I’m not kidding.  The open parking lots of malls and convenience stores are natural breeding grounds for teens with loud boomboxes.  The problem in urban California is that this high noise level frightens away the older, paying customers, who equate these teen gatherings with gangs and drugs.  Merchants discovered a solution that effectively rids them of their severe teenager infestation -- the classical tunes of Beethoven and Bach, Mozart and Wagner are broadcast into the parking lots. 

 And it seemed to work.  One merchant gloated that “four notes of a Mozart piano concerto affects teenagers the way OFF affects mosquitoes.”  Said he, “It’s like spraying classical music out of a can.”  I don’t doubt for a second that Michelle would have gone for that solution, had it been available 3,000 years ago!

 Still, despite her stern looks of disapproval, neither David nor the crowd would be calmed.  They are “celebrating with all their might” because of the goodness of the Lord, a day of “break loose” jubilance.

 I should point out how similar this scene is to the Palm Sunday event of 1,000 years later, another day of jubilation, the second Triumphant Entrance into the gates of Jerusalem.  On Palm Sunday the New Testament records a similar outburst of spontaneous praise.   Listen to the words of Luke’s gospel, “And when he was come nigh . . . the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen . . . and some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto them, ‘Master, rebuke your disciples.’  And he answered and said to them, ‘I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out” (Luke 19:37-40).

 Again, not everyone joined the celebration.  Michelle was no longer around, but her stick-in-the-mud spirit had not yet made an exit.  The stodgy ones that day, upon whom the actions of the crowds grated, were the Pharisees, who said to Jesus, “This is entirely inappropriate!  Despicable!  Unacceptable!  Shut them up and send them home.  Pull the plug on this disgusting boom box.  This is detestable.”

Jesus, recognizing the intense energy of praise, replied, “Even if the joy of this crowd were to be muzzled, the stones themselves would cry out.”  On this day, even if the people’s praise were to be squelched in one place, nothing could stop it from popping up in another, unexpected.  No surge protector could stop this burst of energy from sizzling throughout Jerusalem. 

 It reminds me of the Gopher Heads game in amusement parks and token-based game areas.  You’ve perhaps seen them, brightly colored tables with about eight holes.  Those are gopher holes, and when a gopher head pops up the child smashes it with a cushioned mallet.  But more gopher heads pop up, faster and faster, until soon the child is caught up in a flurry of smashing.  That’s how I see Michelle and these Pharisees – a flurry of joy-smashing going on, trying their dead-level best to squash what they consider to be inappropriate enthusiasm.   

 Staying for a second with the image of amusement parks, it was at an amusement park that I discovered a little about what Jesus meant.  When we lived in Ann Arbor, we frequented Cedar Point, an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio popularly known as Roller Coaster Heaven.  For good reason.  Cedar Point offers some of the best roller coaster experiences in the world.  Sitting on a small peninsula jutting into Lake Erie, the views of the lake from high atop the rides are spectacular.  I called it up yesterday at www.cedarpoint.com and was most interested in the slogan, “Ride On:  Break Loose from Your Everyday Routine.” 

 Now, when it comes to Roller Coasters, “Riding On” is not in my nature.  My favorite places at amusement parks are the nacho stands and the air-conditioned theaters.   However, Sherry and the girls would not have dad be a wimp when it comes to roller coasters.  Some fifteen years ago, the new roller coaster (seems they add one every year) was the Magnum XL-200, at that time the tallest, fastest, steepest roller coaster in the world.  The vertical drop from that mammoth first hill is a staggering twenty stories, reaching the speed of over 90 mph.  Even the ride up was heart stopping!  I’m a little bothered by the anticipation of waiting for ketchup to pour out a new bottle of Heinz.  How could I make it through that agonizing clickity-click, clickity-click, up a thin 200 foot high band of steel?  I recall, as we neared the pinnacle, searching the ground for the spot where the paramedics would scoop me up.

 Did I mention the release I felt in screaming?  I had told myself I wouldn’t scream.  I would be brave.  The girls had asked me not to embarrass them.  But as we accelerated downward toward Lake Erie, I felt an energy boiling up from my insides, from places deep within me that I hadn’t known existed.  That energy would not, could not, be denied _expression.  It was going to Break Loose, pure and simple.  Why, if they had gagged me so that I could not scream, I think the nuts and bolts of that steel monster would have cried out for me. 

 Perhaps Jesus was saying something like that.  The energy of joy on this day is so intense that it could not be contained.  If the people are silent, Jesus suggests that the connectedness between matter and spirit would never be more obvious.  The rocks themselves would sing praise. 

 Now, we’ve witnessed God the Father entering the Holy City riding between the cherubim on the ark.  We’ve seen, also, God the Son entering the gates of Jerusalem riding a donkey.  That leaves a third entrance, the entrance of the Holy Spirit.  But the walls into which the Spirit enters are not those of a walled city of gold.   Psalm 24 addressed the walls of the City of David.  The Holy Spirit enters other gates, gates to the heart and soul.  We sing, not “Lift up your heads, O ye gates,” but rather “Lift up your hearts.”  The Holy Spirit will not take up residence in the sanctum sanctorum, the Holy of Holies on Temple Mount.  Rather, the Spirit’s grand entrance is one into each believer’s heart.  When, at the death of Christ, the veil of the temple was torn from top to bottom, it signaled that God’s presence would no longer be localized, but would be personal and individual, an effusive energy possessing the church and equipping us for mission.

Today my objective is simple, to lead the worshiping family of faith to a grateful remembrance of the source of our spiritual energy.  Worship is more than merely a time to take out our spiritual notepads and jot down our moral/missional assignment for the week.  Too often church becomes just . . . well, business.  The list of programs, the special groups, the many committee meetings — all add up to keep people busy.  It is possible to get caught on a treadmill of church activity and, though appearing busy and impressive, neglect the real source of power for the Christian life.  When this happens, when our activity and our commitments overreach that level which can be sustained by our own spiritual connection, it doesn’t take long until one is on the pathway to burn-out.  That is true of pastors, as well as of lay people. 

 So today, let us rest in Worship.  Let us find in our praise a connection to the life-giving spirit.  Let us Break Loose from the Everyday Routine.   I don’t mean to suggest that we should break loose with unrestrained emotion.  No leaping and whirling in the aisles is necessary.  Still, should not worship be a moment to break loose from everyday business, to break loose from fears, from anxieties, from disappointments, from our limitations, and from our guilt? 

 Many years ago Paul Harvey told the story of Eddie Stephens of Palmetto, GA.  Eddie was a young lawyer fresh out of law school, sitting in his new office waiting for his very first client.  When he heard the outer office door open, assuming it to be his new client, he quickly grabbed the phone and swiveled his chair away from the door in order to appear busy.  As the man entered the office the young lawyer pretended to be on the phone.  “Bill, I’m flying to New York on the Mitchell Brothers thing.  It looks like that will be big.  And, we’ll need to bring Carl in from Houston on the Cimarron Case.  Uh, you’ll have to excuse me Bill, someone just came in.”

 He hung up, turning the chair around to face his guest, proud of how busy and important he had appeared.  “Now, how can I help you?”

 The man looked oddly at him.  Then down at his tools.  Then back at the young lawyer.  “I’m here to hook up your phone,” he said.

 Surely one of life’s most embarrassing moments.  But can’t churches be guilty of that, too?  We can get wrapped up in so much that looks and sounds impressive, full of hustle and bustle, yet remain disconnected from our primary energy source.  Let us remember first to make connection with the wellspring of spiritual life and energy, the very source of the church’s power and mission.  Then, let’s Ride On, Breaking Loose from Ordinary, breaking loose to praise a God worthy of our praise.

 Sources:

 “The Beethoven Defense,” by Russell Baker, The New York Times (July 3, 1994).

 Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth, edited by Paul Harvey, Jr., Bantam, 1991.